You know how when a relationship starts, one gets through several phases of lust, like, and then later, hopefully, love develops? That’s how I am with my books. For instance, I was in serious lust after I saw the cover of Helena Hunting‘s “Pucked” on my Goodreads Recommends list. Case in point: please see the book cover above.
Then, I fell into heavy like after reading the first 15 chapters of the book. I do love my insta-love stories – there’s minimal drama, both main characters are hot, the author gives us romance, plus there was fun and comedy involved. I was blazing thru the book, BUT… alas, I came to a screeching halt by Chapter 19. Love between me and “Pucked?” Seems like it ain’t gonna happen.
Allow me to break it down, folks:
- Ms. Hunting initially depicted her main female character, Violet, to be a strong, independent, young woman, who’s got her head on straight, who does not tolerate stupidity from others, who loves her incredibly meddling mother, and who respects herself. The key word in that long-ass sentence, ladies and gents, is “initially.”
- Violet has a very strong sibling bond with her stepbrother, Buck, but she thinks him to be a stupid jock. Fact.
- Violet has crazy sex – twice – with Alex on the night they first met. Fact.
- Somewhere between Chapters 15 and 19, Violet has public sex with Alex in his team’s locker room. Fact. Also, extremely stupid are those last two facts I just spewed on to my screen. So, in my opinion, she can’t judge others’ intelligence quotients, ‘coz hers sure as hell is stuck in her “beaver,” i.e., lady bits.
- The women in Violet’s life are just annoying. The men are either magnificently patient angels-on-earth, or assholes.
- Violet gets her oral diarrhea disease from her mother, who’s fixated on her daughter’s boyfriend’s penis size. The mother, appropriately named Skye (a doozy of a name, IMO), publicly retells/shares her sexual exploits with her 2nd husband. Skye, also, clearly has no sense of privacy. My own mother, at times, drives me nuts. But, now, I plan to go to confession to purge myself from the sin of having my bad thoughts about her, because if Skye was real and she was my mother, I would’ve committed matricide a long time ago.
- Are American girls who are best friends with each other really share every single thing about themselves? Like, even sexual activities and the sizes of their partner’s penises? Charlene, Violet’s BFF, weirdly also has a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth, and perhaps, is also stupid as hell, because she vomits details of Violet’s sex life to acquaintances and office co-workers. TMI much. Also, why does she humiliate her friend that way? If I had a BFF like her, I would’ve had to dig another grave. OR just pile her body on top of Skye’s.
- As for the men… well, Alex is hot, intelligent, super patient, athletically gifted, owns a reproductive organ that’s God’s gift to women, yadda, yadda, yadda. In short, he’s perfect. Violet’s stepfather, Sidney, is to Skye what Alex is to Violet. In short, perfect. Violet’s stepbrother, Buck? Asshole, but loves Violet like a real sister. Other minor male characters in the book? Kyle, the landlord, etc. Assholes.
I paused at Chapter 19, because after all the cliches, I needed a breather. Then, I figured, why read further? So, I skipped to the last chapter and the Epilogue, since I knew there’ll be a HEA anyway.
I’m sure Ms. Hunting was trying to be funny, but I can’t find it in myself to laugh over this little scene at the end of “Pucked.” You see, our brilliant heroine, with her obsession for Alex’s Monster C*ck, dresses up the said body part as a superhero, complete with a cape around its girth. Alex wakes up, discovers her taking pictures of Super Monster C*ck, and starts getting an erection. Since there’s a cape tied around it, Alex, understandably, feels pain. I feared he will be made a eunuch. Meanwhile, Violet panics and starts crying. So, she gets a pair of regular scissors and, with her trembling hands and sobbing eyes, prepares to cut off the penis cape.
Blah, blah, blah… Alex proposes marriage, and they live happily ever after.
WTF, right? I feel just as stupid for buying this e-book. Problem is I’ve already bought the next 3 e-books in the series. Do you think Amazon will agree if I ask for a refund? SIGH.